Have you ever thought of the possibility of not signing on means you are signing off of the relationship?
What role do you play when your partner makes a decision to heal?
The partner not taking part in the healing has been put into a role.
The role can be a supporter, an encourager, an ally or an opponent (just to name a few.) The partner who enters into healing will benefit from a support system that understands they are going through a process.
Back to the relationship itself, does the partner not in treatment have to understand what healing is taking place?
Must they be curious about their partner’s work? Does it matter?
Or can they sign off and continue to stay in the original rhythm of the relationship and not be aware of what is occurring?
If your partner doesn’t understand the importance of your healing (and their own) and watches you as a bystander, the relationship will suffer.
The relationship dynamics can start to feel like you are alone. This creates a “me”- mind frame and can feel like your partner is against you. Therefore, you are indirectly signing off of the relationship and the constant adjustments and attention needed to continue to grow as a couple.
There have been situations where one of the partners goes into treatment to appease their partner. Which in turn is not always beneficial because the priority becomes the partner versus their own healing process. When you or your partner are in treatment think about how the healing process is influencing the relationship as a unit.
Think about how the healing process is influencing the relationship as a unit, whether you are in treatment, your partner is in treatment or you both are on your healing journeys.
- Start the healing process
- Be consistent (weekly or bi-weekly)
- Stay focused
- Show up ready to do the work
- Have supportive people around you
- Know that it can be unfamiliar at times
- Develop new patterns and habits
- Implement new patterns and habits
Continue the journey. When you start to feel better that’s not a sign that your healing process is over. Healing is an ongoing journey.
From my experience, it is possible to heal when you are in a relationship.
What makes healing while you’re in a relationship possible
There are 3 questions you have to ask yourself:
- Am I ready to heal?
- Is my partner on board with my healing?
- Will I stay focused on my healing process?
Am I ready to heal?
Have you reached a point where you are ready to unload and release some of your layers? Do you want to understand your behaviors, your patterns, and relationships with yourself and others?
Healing opens your mental, emotional and physical body to experience you and your relationships from a different lens. You need to ask yourself, truly, am I ready?
Is my partner on board with my healing?
Can my partner understand I am working through my process? Is my partner available to support me through my healing?
When one partner starts to heal there are going to be some changes in the relationship. The partner who has decided to heal has to be aware of these changes and so does the partner. How can your partner get on board? They can act in a supportive role on your journey or they can engage in his/her own healing journey.
Will I stay focused on my healing process?
Am I going to prioritize my healing process? Am I going to be consistent and stay on the journey even when it’s uncomfortable and challenging?
When you begin your healing process there may be many distractions that come to your attention. It is at that time that you have to decide if you want to stay focused or be distracted.