Let’s talk about the good stuff- VALUES
Values in a relationship.
Is this a discussion you have early in the relationship, after you have chosen to already start dating or when you are getting married?
I would suggest that having a discussion about values can give you some useful information about a person.
This is useful information that can add to the decision if you want to proceed with a relationship with a person.
Why even consider talking about values and is it really important?
YES, YES and YES.
Core values create the foundation of a relationship.
Have you heard the statement such as make sure you see what type of relationship he has with his mother or make sure you see what type of relationship she has with her father? That stems from a message around values. Insinuating if the person has “good” family values or the ability to have a healthy relationship with a person of the opposite sex.
If family is one of your core values this may be an area that is noticed. Now, are there circumstances to every family dynamic? Yes. It wouldn’t be fair to not give someone a chance based on them not having a close/healthy relationship with their opposite-sex parent. It is something you will have to pay attention to during the dating phase of a relationship.
Another common value is finances.
What are your financial habits and what are your partner’s financial habits? This is where a conversation about the idea of what type of bank accounts you expect to have, your money language (my money, your money or our money).
Another values area could be family. Do you want children, does your partner want children? If, so how many children and when? This is another values area for couples to discuss in relationships during the dating phase. I have observed relationships where the man wants children and the woman isn’t ready or the women wants children and the man isn’t ready. This can create conflict amongst the couple because the values and expectations were not clearly communicated. This in turn affects the quality of the relationship.
Values are an area that could be considered a prerequisite to continuing or deciding to continue a relationship with a partner.